I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
