Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
