she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
