And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
