Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
