eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
