well I can't set my house on fire every night
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
