Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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