Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
