Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
