She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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