so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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