Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
