note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My vagina is officially offended.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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