Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
