you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
