I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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