just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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