I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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