I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
