I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
