you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We have started to decorate penises.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
