Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
