I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
