It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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