Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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