If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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