Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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