hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
