i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
