i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
