Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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