Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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