i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
