she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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