Grow some girl-balls and come out already
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
