two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
