just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
