peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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