hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
