Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
