Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
