i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
