Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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