Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
