his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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