I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
