do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
