That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
