New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
